A Belle has been in a bit of a funk the past few days.  After three different waves of company this past month, I’m now back in my routine but it doesn’t exactly feel like life is back to normal.  In addition to empty nest syndrome, I’ve had something else on my mind as well.  Okay, someone.

Here is a 30 second summary of pre-funk background to get you caught up:

A couple of my friends (husband and wife) from back South came to stay with me for a week of Chi-town fun.  These friends also happen to be mutual friends of The Coach, and as a result we all hung out together several times.  Overall, it was a really great week.  I was completely caught off guard by how effortless it was to be around The Coach again, given how difficult it was when things ended.  I know all of this sounds really positive, only now that our friends have returned home and we’ve gone back to our separate lives… I miss him.  Like really miss him.

So was all the fun worth it?  Sure it was.  Even if we continue to live separate lives here in Chicago, I’m glad we were able to leave off on a positive note.  Looking back at how things ended last year, I still feel regret. The end felt like a can of coke was constantly imploding in my stomach.  Unpleasant seems too pleasant a word to use.  Mean is a more appropriate word.  We became different people in those last months, maybe in an effort to self-protect and maybe because we were stubborn and hurt.  Either way, the end result was that we went from being best friends who depended on each other every day to not being friends at all.  It felt like a death.

After seeing him again, I feel like our conversation ended in the middle of a sentence.  In reality, it ended with me waking him up on my couch (after a late night of playing “beer pong” and “jenga” on Division) so he could get ready for work, while his current girlfriend blew up his phone repeatedly.  Not exactly the ideal setting for closure of any kind.  A part of me feels like this isn’t the way things are supposed end.  Maybe I’ll always feel that way when it comes to The Coach?

What do you think a Belle should do?

A) Call and see if he wants to come pick up his shirt and sunglasses, and see how things go?

B) Call and let The Coach know I had a lot of fun and really miss having him in my life.

C) Wait a couple weeks to see if he calls.

D) Keep moving forward and quit looking back.

Comment below or email me at Belle@IndependentBelle.com

Despite my extended absence: NO, a Belle did not run off and get married.  My absence was merely a result of late nights in the city followed by long days soaking up the sun on my rooftop deck, where, unfortunately WiFi is about as reliable as the guy I dated last summer. Actually, a Belle did get married, just not THIS Belle. However, it happened to be one of the most amazing Belles I’ve ever met.  There are so many reasons why this wedding seemed different than others; there seemed to be something karmic about it, and how it left everyone with restored hope for our own romantic futures…

……………………..

My friend, Pam, and I met at work my first year living in Chicago, before the possibility of being an Independent Belle had entered my mind.  She still tells the story of seeing me walking through the office in my bright patterned Stuart Weitzman heels with a smile on my face.  They were my very first pair of what would soon become a long love affair with Stewies.  As time went on we became quick friends over lunches and coffee breaks and before I knew it she was the closest friend I had in Chicago.  The day came when my engagement to my college sweetheart ended abruptly and my ability to hide my uncertainty was nonexistent.  I had left my entire life back South; my friends, my family, my sense of familiarity with my surroundings… to move across the country and start a life with someone I loved.  Those few days after our split are vague from all the stress I felt deciding what my next steps would be.  But what remains clear is how Pam supported me in every way possible.  It was the first time since moving to Chicago that I hadn’t felt alone.

I decided to stay in Chicago and begin a new chapter in life: single, naive, a little scared, and uncertain if I could make it on my own in such an expensive place… but excited to create a life that I loved. Without a doubt Pam’s advice, encouragement, and support in the years that followed, played a major part in shaping me into who I am today.  My path has been filled with obstacles and setbacks along the way, and I’ve certainly made mistakes but regardless of how difficult things seemed, Pam was there to cheer me up and remind me of my strengths.

Over the years we’ve had countless girl’s nights out, shared lots of funny dating stories, and even more bottles of Prosecco.  We’ve cried over failed relationships, celebrated promotions, birthdays, holidays and spent hundreds of other seemingly insignificant hours together doing nothing special and still having fun.  Pam is exactly the kind of person I only hope to be on my best days.  Our small group of girlfriends has morphed over time but Pam has always been someone I knew I could count on at any hour to be there for me.  That is a very rare quality to find in someone, and unfortunately one that’s often taken for granted.

Brian came into the picture about two years ago.  Pam, being the hopeless romantic she is, had decided to get back out on the dating scene with complete certainty that THIS time would be different.  I remember being nervous the first time I met Brian, which makes me laugh now to think about.  The thing is, once you’ve been wrong about choosing Mr. Right, you hesitate to let another prospect into your life beyond the life you share together.  Knowing that Pam was confident about someone enough to introduce him to the people who loved her the most was a really big deal.  Much like a parent hates to see their child get hurt, Pam was my chosen family and I knew she deserved happiness more than anyone. Luckily, their romance has been storybook worthy and I’ve developed a trust and confidence in Brian that I never had with anyone else Pam had dated.  When Pam and Brian got engaged, I was ecstatic.  And before I knew it, the big day was here.

I’ve been happy for all of my friends when they got married (even those who have gotten married twice).  But weddings have never made me think about the actual commitment two people make to each other, or for that matter, if I will ever find someone I’d be willing to make that commitment to.  Too often everything gets clouded by the details and plans that go into a wedding.  It can become a production rather than a celebration.   Added by the fact that marriage is dulled by the divorce rates echoed daily in the media.  I’ll admit that I’ve become a little jaded over time…

But when I looked ahead as my friends said their vows to each other and saw how happy they were to be making the commitment to each other… not because they had to or because it was “that time in life” but because they CHOSE to, I started to believe in the idea of happily ever after again.  What I don’t think we’re told about “happily ever after”, is that my version won’t be the same as my friend’s version… everyone’s will be different.  And in that moment I realized the friend who showed me so much about how to be independent and stand on my own two feet, was now showing me that it’s possible to trust and allow yourself to depend on someone.  And as she starts a new chapter in life, I’m so grateful that I’ll have the opportunity to show love and support through all the experiences that lie ahead of her.

p.s. Oh, and one more thing!  I caught the bouquet, so you know what that means…

Well, traditionally you know what that means.  For me, it means drinking entirely too much bubbly, dancing in entirely too high heels, and developing a crush on the singer of the band.

You never know though…maybe my turn is next?