I’m not a huge fan of credit cards.  I had a wild love affair with them once and it took me twice as long to get over the damage they (okay, okay, I) did.  However, this Belle still loves a sale.  And the only thing better than a sale, is getting perks for buying all the boring necessities.

So I thought I’d share some tips from our fellow Belle’s at Daily Worth so we could stay up-to-date on what I refer to as “smart cards”. These are the four cards they’ve found give you the “most buck for your bang”, (i.e. cash back for purchases.)  When you put it that way, they’re kind of like a plastic pimp for those days when you feel like being a shoe whore… just what I needed!

According to Daily Worth, the Top 4 Cash-Back Cards are:

1. Chase Freedom – You earn an unlimited 1% cash back on all purchases, and 5% cash back on rotating categories of purchases like gas, groceries, travel, and more (a quarterly maximum applies).  And, there’s NO annual fee!

2. Discover More – I can’t say I’m surprised to see this one on the list.  My mom has always used Discover and she is the “Queen of Saving Money”, and likely where I picked up my desire to be financially independent at a young age.  (Besides, there’s nothing more rewarding than buying your own bling, right?)  This is a great cash back card, but it requires patience… which is unfortunately something I was not lucky enough to inherit from my mother.  You can earn 5% cash back (up to a maximum), but it does so in rotating categories.  It also gives you up to 1% cash back on many other purchases – unlimited!  This card also has NO annual fee.

3. Blue Cash from American Express - This is the cash back card recommended for the Big Spending Belles.  If you charge less than $6,500 per year, Blue Cash offers 1% cash back on purchases at supermarkets, drug stores and gas stations and 0.5% cash back on all other items.  Spend more than $6,500 in a year (this would be ME) and earn 5% cash back on those three categories – and 1.25% on other items.  There is no annual fee and the rewards are unlimited.  Lord, if that doesn’t make you want to run to Stuart Weitzman… I don’t know what will!

4. Capital One No Hassle Cash Rewards – I was surprised to see this one on the list, mostly because Capital One seemed to be one of the big guys giving a credit card to anyone who could spell their name back when I was in college.  However, it seems they’ve gotten their shit together since then.  You get 2% cash back on gas and grocery purchases and 1% back on all other purchases.  While the rewards are unlimited, the card does charge an annual fee that varies according to your credit score.  … so maybe they’re still up to no good.  Personally, if I have to pay to play… the prize better be bigger than 1-2%, but that’s just me.

So, essentially it looks like the card companies are trying to give us the benefit of saving on things we have to buy anyway… so we have more to spend on all the goodies we don’t need.  As I’ve mentioned before, bankrate.com is an excellent resource for all the best financial options available, and if you’d like to compare more credit cards you can check out creditcards.com.

All this talk of cash-back has me feeling the need for a little extravagance.  Luckily, my sister has arrived in the Windy City to visit so I expect to have no problem getting into trouble.  Have a great weekend Belles!

What can I say, the past two weeks have been the emotional equivalent of a Brazilian wax.  While I’m no longer curled up crying on the couch or getting blotto before 5 p.m., I do unfortunately… still miss him… especially at night.  I know, I know, no one has ever felt better after a late night phone call to an ex.  (I’ve actually had a little experience with this.)

I don’t want to make it sound like I need to be put in a straightjacket or anything.  I’ve definitely gotten a clearer perspective on things now that it’s not fresh.  I know anyone I date who will quit over trivial matters, will never stick around for the serious obstacles in life.  That being said, it still sucks.

My friends have been excellent.  Take that back, OUTSTANDING.  They’ve sat on my couch with me as I drank from the Prosecco bottle and managed to act as if nothing were wrong.  They’ve called late at night to check on me and sent me reminder text messages to “BE STRONG”, because as it turns out… all Belles are vulnerable to late night temptations to call.  I’ve received SO many emails from Belles all over, telling me their stories of heartache and giving me tips that helped them move forward.  I didn’t think about it when I wrote my last post, but heartbreak truly is something we can all relate too.  In many ways, I haven’t felt alone at all this week.

So this is really just a quick note to say thank you for making me feel so important and loved this week.  Even my sister and I made a pact that if we got tempted to text/call our exes, we would call each other instead.  I have no doubt I’ll be taking her up on that.  I know there are probably sad moments still to come, but it’s good to know I have such a wonderful support system here for me until the heartache passes.

And with that, I’m starting my weekend off right and heading to the salon for a cut/color (a “breakover” must) and then out to meet girlfriends for drinks… thanks again Belles… you’re the best!

Things have swiftly gone downhill with The Coach, actually they’ve come to a screeching halt.  Now that I’ve had a few days to numb the pain, I’m forcing myself to face some painful truths.

REALITY #1:  I wasn’t that into The Coach…

However, somewhere in the middle of all the highs and lows I quit asking myself how I felt because I was always focused on him.  I suppose, ideally in a relationship this gesture is a reciprocated act, but when it’s not…you simply put someone else’s needs before your own and forget who is supposed to be #1.  Once I had some distance from The Coach, I was able to admit that things weren’t as magical as I liked to believe.  Conversations were always about him (HIS day at work, HIS stress, things HE wanted or needed to do) …and everything was planned according to HIS schedule, and on HIS terms.  Aside from a handful of gestures, he didn’t go out of his way to make me happy, or cheer me up after a difficult day, or support me in any of my endeavors.

And maybe this sounds petty, but he NEVER even read any of my writing, (with the exception of the time I had my latest post up on my laptop and asked, “have you read this one?”, at which time he looked over and skimmed a paragraph and smiled.)  After all, writing was something we had in common!  Not to mention, I read through his 10″ thick book of work (which by the way, was filled with 100′s of poems about past loves and romantic musings.)  I remember reading it and thinking, “wow, he didn’t have a problem expressing his feelings in the past, why doesn’t he show me this side of him”  All of these things combined, resulted in me having to face:

(Harsh) REALITY #2. I dug my own grave.

I made excuses and ignored the red flags when I saw them.  I filled in the blanks when he was vague and nonchalant.  Worst of all, when he said he “didn’t want a serious relationship”, I told myself the aftermath of his previous relationship left him unable to trust; that he just needed time.  Foolishly, I thought he meant it when he asked that I, “be patient and let things progress naturally.”  It’s becoming embarrassingly obvious, I did just about EVERYTHING wrong!

I’m not even sure he got to know me that well because I was always uncertain which version of “us” would show up.   One night it would feel like absolute bliss, this indescribable connection… like being with your closest/oldest friend, only in this case your best friend was extremely hot.  And your best friend fit against you perfectly, inducing the release of a cocktail of hormones that acted as a drug specially formulated for you to achieve enlightenment.  Though, because it happened naturally… you were left powerless over your addiction.  And then without warning, he’d go AWOL for days.  I’d be forced to quit cold turkey, only to find that when he did return I was doomed to repeat the vicious cycle.

I admit that romance has not exactly been my strong suit but make no mistake, this is not my first rodeo.  So in an effort to learn SOMETHING from each relationship that will better the odds of my future happiness coming sooner rather than later, I thought I should consult experts, Em & Lo, for a crash course in the language of love (i.e. red flags, harsh realities, hidden meanings.)  For the record (and hopefully personal growth), I admit that I seem to have conveniently forgotten some of the basics since my last performance in the dating arena.

AWOL: When someone you’re dating disappears into thin air – poof!- without so much as an explanation, even a short and lame email or text message.

Band-Aid Break: A quick and painful breakup- but less painful than if the breakup occurs over a prolonged period of time (aka, beating a dead horse.)

Big Fat Lies: Obvious untruths lazily uttered by often well-meaning dumpers during many a breakup.

Example: “My friends are really important to me, and that’s where I want to spend my time right now.”  Translation: “My friends are out getting drunk and laid every night, and I’d like to be doing the same thing.”

Booty Bait ‘n’ Switch: The act of converting a broken-up relationship into a booty call.  Note: be hypervigilant about using condoms (it underscores the fact that it’s casual sex); and keep the meaningful eye contact and lovey-dovey cuddling to a minimum.

“Taking a Break”: Putting your relationship “temporarily” on hold in order to take a step back and get some perspective.  You’re not sure you’re ready to give up on it altogether, but you’re not sure you can make a bigger commitment…and you’d like to see what else is out there before you decide.

Breakover: A post-breakup makeover.

Buyer’s Remorse: Classic example of wanting what you can’t have and not wanting what you DO have.  The grass looks greener on the other side, so you jump the fence, only to realize it was all an optical illusion.

Cliches: Things the dumper can use that have been uttered so many times in so many breakups that they now convey no emotion and further, indicate the presence of an unoriginal douche-bag.

Examples:

Dumper: “It’s not you, it’s me.”  Translation: “You want to be in this relationship and I don’t.”

Dumper: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.”  Translation: “I’m not ready for a relationship with you.”

Dumper: “You want more than I’m prepared to give.”  Translation: “You want more than I’m prepared to give you.”

…Basically, it’s like being dumped by a Hallmark Card.

Command-Z: “Undo! Undo!” All the stuff that you say in the heat of the breakup moment and immediately wish you could take back.

Cutting The Cord: Forced amnesia as an essential tool in getting over a recent breakup.  This is not the time to concern yourself with being friends and making nice with “Fuckface”.

Deal-breaker: Known as a standard that is neither watertight nor beerproof.

Desperate Measures: The crazy shit you do to win an ex back.

Drunk Dialies: The late night, under-the-influence, undeniable urge to call a recent ex and slur into the phone, “What are you doin?“  The drunken dialies are a rite of passage of breakups.

Emotional Imodium: What I need to take the next time I start seeing someone so my hopes, my hormones, or the booze don’t give me diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to whimsical, romantic feelings.

Eternal Return: A seemingly endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together experienced by a couple who can’t live with each other, but can’t live without each other either.

Ex Appeal: The sex appeal of exes.  Once you break up, your ex suddenly becomes taboo, unattainable, out of reach – all qualities which are incredibly sexually attractive.

Fucksimile: A person you sleep with solely because they remind you of your ex, because you miss them like crazy and think that if you dim the lights, the spooning just might feel the same.

Google: The tool that turns every scorned lover into a private dick.

Groundhog Dump: When a noncommittal “dumper” drags a breakup out over the course of multiple days or weeks so the “dumpee” is forced to relive the same damn breakup all over again.

Masturbation: Loving yourself when no one else will.

Match Point: The precise moment in the breakup when you say something that can never be taken back and that guarantees that there will be no reconciliation, and probably no ex sex.

Mourning Period: The time it takes for you to get over the fact that you will probably never go to Sunday brunch, play scrabble, or have oral sex with a particular person again.

Mutual Decision: The unicorn of the breakup world: a pretty little idea that doesn’t actually exist in the real world.

Numbing the pain: Somewhat flawed idea that if you cause yourself pain from chain-smoking, sleeping around, getting sloppy drunk or high, and eating a lot of refined sugar, you might be distracted from the pain of the meat cleaver sticking out of your chest.

Passive Aggressive Breakup: When you’re too much of a coward to actually dump someone, so instead you act like a complete dick until your partner is forced, as a matter of pride, to dump you.

Returner’s Remorse: The regret felt after dumping someone.  Once your ex is back on the shelf, they suddenly don’t seem so bad anymore.  The newer models are all bells and whistles, no real substance.  Aka: Realizing the grass isn’t greener.

Reverse Dump: The breakup equivalent to, “You can’t fire me because I quit!”

“Someone Else”: Sadly, one of the most common reasons for breakups.

White lie: The little fictions that make breakups bearable.

Example: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” generally means “I’m not EVER going to be ready for a relationship with you.”

And yes… I’ve made a mental note to pay particular attention to the last two terms.

Obviously, I’m airing my dirty laundry in hopes that I can help fellow Belles open their eyes and see what happens when you choose NOT to pay attention to a relationship’s realities.  I think I’ve certainly reacquainted myself with the tools I need to be wiser next time.  I really hope so… I do know one thing; next time around I’ll be willing to be clear about what I want, even if it means I have to find it with someone else.

If you have any advice or tips to share to benefit your fellow Belles, (and yours truly), post a comment or email Belle@IndependentBelle.com