Hello, Mr. Heartache. I’ve Been Expecting You.
Recently, I got to thinking about past relationships and the assumption that we “carry baggage” into future romances. I know we’re all a little guilty of this, but it makes sense that the longer you stay single, the more likely you are to pick up a few extra bumps and bruises along the way. I’ve always thought waiting to “settle down” would have it’s advantages: learning to communicate, understanding what you want out of a relationship, realizing the things you look for in a husband are NOT the same things you look for in a boyfriend… and hopefully, experience and knowledge that only comes from navigating the world as a single Belle.
However, if we’re being honest… not all the experience and knowledge we gain makes us stronger OR better the next time around. Sometimes the price is more than we’d choose to pay for the ride, sometimes we end up making the next person pay the difference, and sometimes we end up paying the price for a fellow Belle’s wrongdoings. I’m not sure baggage can be avoided entirely because while our experiences don’t make us who we are, they do shape the way we view the world around us.
Quite frankly, I feel like things have become a little out of focus for me since I started dating again and I’m trying to make sense of it. Is there a certain amount of time before you should know whether someone is worth taking the proverbial leap with? Is there a particular point in a courtship when you can allow yourself to be vulnerable again with reasonably low risk? Or have we not made any progress over the years of studying relationships? Because while I do want someone in my life, I’m not ready to experience another heartbreak (I know, I know, is anyone ever READY for heartbreak?) Heartbreak seems to rob me of a certain ability to trust and rely on someone else. Heartbreak makes me lose perspective, the positive kind anyway. I’ve finally reached a point in my life where everything is relatively stable and under control. I’m not sure I’m ready to share that if it’s possible it won’t be appreciated, or worse, discarded the second things aren’t perfect.
When you think about failed relationships like that, we really aren’t gaining “baggage” but rather losing things along the way. Maybe that is where “building walls” came from… I suppose we’re all just trying to fill in the holes of past relationships the best we can? However, when we get to where we feel “complete” on our own… don’t we all just want to have someone in our life again?
On June 28th, 2010 at 6:04 pm ChicPammy said:
Some of my experiences along the way did NOT make me stronger or better. I was worn down at times. I was tired of the “flashy” guy, the “look at me guy”. You know what happens when you are TIRED? You don’t give a shit ..the hair comes down and the confidence goes up.. up ..up. You gain respect..your favorite kind..self respect. The silly dates became hysterical. The rude dates ..lead to the “oh, no he DIDN’T” laughs with the girls. I started to ask the universe for what I wanted pray for my future husband. I think I am close…who knows?? I know I am closer to understanding myself! I love you Belle!!
On July 8th, 2010 at 3:49 pm Melissa said:
This much I have learned. You must first know yourself. That helps you discover what you want from/in someone else. Which leads to what you need from someone else. I am not saying that you should settle, but MR Right is pretty hard to find. If he was ever out there, someone else has probably already found him. And as my friend Mick said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime you might just find…..you get what you need.