Prologue: (Cue circus music)

Ladies and Gentleman.  Welcome to Cirque de Belle, home of the biggest roller-coaster relationship in the WORLD!!!  Step right up and go for a whirl!

Currently starring: The Coach with Independent Belle

Act One: The Tragedy of Dating

OH the wasted hours of shaving legs… just in case he decides last minute to come over.  Cause let’s face it, it’s ALWAYS last minute. And it drives you crazy but you put up with it… you know, “one LAST time”. You tell yourself you’re a control freak.  Most of the time, however, you just find yourself bummed when he cancels last minute.  You tell yourself, “if only he would just confess his lack of interest so you could go through those two weeks of bingeing, drinking, and smoking your way through the heartbreak”… but you know he won’t.

Another new overpriced Venus razor refill goes wasted as you ask yourself, “Did I shave my legs for this?” Ahh, the tragedy in dating.

But that’s only half the story…

Act Two: The Comedy of Dating

The other half is a mirage of happy times, laughter, making dinner together, cuddling on the couch, watching movies, playing Scrabble, romantic gestures and terms of endearment.                                               Ahh, the comedy in dating.

This, Belles, is what we call a roller coaster romance.  It feels SOOO good and hurts so bad.  And it’s hard to tell which outweighs the other because you never know what comes next.  You’re in a constant state of uncertainty.  You LOVE the highs and you LOATHE the lows… and the fraction of you that isn’t love sick knows there is someone else out there waiting for you.  Someone dependable, stable, n-o-r-m-a-l… if only that someone were waiving their hands in the air so you’d notice them, you’d be able to leave this hot mess of chaos!

And yet, it’s as if Mr. Undecided, Emotionally Unavailable, and Not Ready For A Serious Relationship, can sense you pulling back.  Only then does he appear in the dark with a smile and that calming sense of security that puts you back up on top of the world…

To Be Continued….

“It’s a luscious mix of words and tricks, that let us bet when we know we should fold.”  -The Shins

Recently, I got to thinking about past relationships and the assumption that we “carry baggage” into future romances.  I know we’re all a little guilty of this, but it makes sense that the longer you stay single, the more likely you are to pick up a few extra bumps and bruises along the way.  I’ve always thought waiting to “settle down” would have it’s advantages: learning to communicate, understanding what you want out of a relationship, realizing the things you look for in a husband are NOT the same things you look for in a boyfriend… and hopefully, experience and knowledge that only comes from navigating the world as a single Belle.

However, if we’re being honest… not all the experience and knowledge we gain makes us stronger OR better the next time around.  Sometimes the price is more than we’d choose to pay for the ride, sometimes we end up making the next person pay the difference, and sometimes we end up paying the price for a fellow Belle’s wrongdoings.  I’m not sure baggage can be avoided entirely because while our experiences don’t make us who we are, they do shape the way we view the world around us.

Quite frankly, I feel like things have become a little out of focus for me since I started dating again and I’m trying to make sense of it.  Is there a certain amount of time before you should know whether someone is worth taking the proverbial leap with?  Is there a particular point in a courtship when you can allow yourself to be vulnerable again with reasonably low risk?  Or have we not made any progress over the years of studying relationships?  Because while I do want someone in my life, I’m not ready to experience another heartbreak (I know, I know, is anyone ever READY for heartbreak?)   Heartbreak seems to rob me of a certain ability to trust and rely on someone else.  Heartbreak makes me lose perspective, the positive kind anyway.  I’ve finally reached a point in my life where everything is relatively stable and under control.  I’m not sure I’m ready to share that if it’s possible it won’t be appreciated, or worse, discarded the second things aren’t perfect.

When you think about failed relationships like that, we really aren’t gaining “baggage” but rather losing things along the way.  Maybe that is where “building walls” came from… I suppose we’re all just trying to fill in the holes of past relationships the best we can?  However, when we get to where we feel “complete” on our own… don’t we all just want to have someone in our life again?