I read recently that “the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.” I don’t know what I think about this as it relates to life in general, but as for romantic encounters… you know damn well it’s the truth.
Come to think of it; I’m not sure I’ve matured much beyond my college years when it comes to having successful relationships. All too often, I find myself filling in the blanks for shortcomings or defending laziness… whether it be to friends or myself. I’m even mildly disappointed when I catch some Knockoff in a lie. Can I not even date a guy with the slightest bit of savviness when it comes to acting like a total wanker??? I mean, it’s not like I’m Inspector Gadget… is it possible they WANT to look incompetent? Or maybe it’s all just some masochistic game I tease myself with for entertainment during the cold months in Chicago. …my own little version of, “how low can you go?” Whatever the case, my dating dilemmas have grown to such gargantuan proportions that I dread making sense of it more than I dread taking out Great Garbage Bag Mountain that appears in my kitchen every week.
After listening to me complain about juggling my current circus of Knockoffs, my friend Lauren told me about something our friend Jordan started called “Guybriety”. That’s right Belles, doesn’t the sound of it get you a little motivated to quit taking that asshole back after he doesn’t call you for a week? Or to cut off the jerk who cancels last minute the night he’s supposed to meet your friends? Or what about that guy who always has too much to drink? The one you don’t hear from until he shows up at your door at 3 am soaked from walking in the rain (after leaving the bar, of course) and doesn’t understand why you don’t think it’s “romantic”? Where did we meet these deuschlords and what was SO attractive about them that we missed all the red flags?
Belles, if any of these men are in your “pink book”… you definitely want to hop on the Guybriety wagon with me. Here’s how “Guybriety” was started:
A few years back, Jordan found everything in her life falling into place, with one exception. She had a fantastic job, a great family, fun friends, and about 3 mediocre (at best) Knockoffs that cumulatively filled her date book. We’ll refer to them as The Drunk Tank, The Travelin’ Bachelor, and The Dead Horse. Obviously, things in the love department were NOT working for her… so she decided to come up with a plan, which she called Guybriety. Within days of removing herself from the smoke and mirrors of her resident losers, she was able to recognize a good guy when she met him. And she did, by the way…
Fast forward a few months and Jordan is talking to our friend Lauren. Lauren has been seeing this seemingly “great” guy who knows all the right things to say and all the charming moves to make. You know who I’m talking about, we’ve all dated this guy before. Anyhow, so Loverboy starts getting a little too good at his game, even sounding a bit rehearsed, and sure enough Lauren stumbles upon the surprising fact that she isn’t the only one hearing his sweet nothings. As it turns out, he’s been dropping the EXACT SAME LINES to someone else! What is that? He was using the other girl for rehearsing the lines and Lauren got the real performance? How could a guy even explain himself out of that situation? Needless to say, Jordan immediately told Lauren about “Guybriety”.
Fast forward to present day, Lauren and Jordan are both happily married to really great guys… and highly suggesting I give Guybriety a shot too.
I was a little skeptical at first, I admit. I haven’t exactly been flooded with “lovas” lately so it seemed a bit brash to cut the entire pool off! But then I stepped back and took a look at my most recent shenanigans in the romance department…
I recently managed to glorify an old fling (i.e. also known as a Dead Horse) into a potential dating candidate, only to find out he acted like a complete moron in public, had easily slept with enough women to start a new feminist movement, and worst of all… slightly gave me the creeps when I finally saw him in person. As a matter of fact, I’ll further throw myself under the bus by saying he looked SO much better in photographs that I started to crush on the photographer who took the pictures. SERIOUSLY, boy crazy much? I’m all for hopeless romantics but when it comes down to basing a romance purely off someone’s work, well… a Belle has to draw the line somewhere.
The fact was, the buck needed to stop about $100 bucks and a pair of Stuart Weitzman’s ago. So I’ve made a decision to give Guybriety a shot. I feel the need to mention that both Lauren AND Jordan met their husbands during their Guybriety period, soooo… I’m not saying that Mr. Wonderful HAS to come around in the next couple of weeks, but it would be great timing if he did. You know… just so we can keep the results consistent.
So for those of you interested in getting “Gober” with “Guybriety” here are the rules Jordan passed on to me:
GUYBRIETY
“Guybriety…the absence of men from your life for a limited amount of time.
How long must it last?
The minimum a stint of guybriety should last is 15 days. After all, this is a life change and a change of view for yourself, it took 20 something years to get you here, it better take a few days to change!
The maximum a guybriety should last is 30 days. Any longer and you are likely to lose sight of why you started this in the first place. You need to remember why you are great and deserve to be treated that way.
How much “absence” does “absence” really mean?
Absence (definition): nonattendance, nonappearance, truancy, leave.
Do not: call, text, meet for drinks, dinner, dancing, flirt with or entertain the idea of men. Put them on the back burner. (Important: do NOT tell your guy friends about Guybriety. They will make fun of you.)
It’s as simple as this: be busy. It’s the old “I have to wash my hair” trick…and it works.
What Guybriety will not do…
It will not bring you Mr. Perfect.
What Guybriety will do…
Guybriety will weed out the men you think are important but who do not think that you are important.
The only thing Guybriety does is make not dating your decision. I don’t know why, but there is power in that. ”Phew…no one called today, good, because I am not dating right now anyway.”
If you make it your decision, it completely changes the view. Take the time to figure out what is important to you. You can’t be interesting to someone else if you have spent all your time looking into another person’s interests.
What if a guy I have been out with a few times texts, IMs, facebooks, twitters, etc. me in the middle of Guybriety?
You do not respond. If you have only been out with him a few times and he messages you to meet for drinks, odds are he sent it to more than one person. He doesn’t care if you come because there is someone next on the list that will. Most likely, you were not the first person he asked anyway or he would have called.
He will ask you again in a few days. If you do not respond again, you will not hear from him again. End of story. One less person for you to worry about.
What if a nice guy calls me while I am doing Guybriety?
Easy, talk to him for a minute and let him know you are really busy right now (even if it is painting your toenails and watching an old movie). Tell him you will get back with him the next week and do. Fifteen days is not a lifetime. If you make plans with someone a few weeks in advance and he truly is interested and likes you, he will stick to your plans and won’t mind that you can’t meet him tomorrow and you will go into a date with more respect for this person for doing so.
Right now the score is:
Guybriety = 2 Knockoffs = 0
For those of you participating… be sure and send your results to Belle@IndependentBelle.com! Oh, and spread the word to your fellow Belles!
