Wisdom From A Single Belle In The City…
Once upon a time, oh say 6 years ago, I ventured out in Chicago’s dating scene for the first time after my split from the Trader. After my engagement didn’t work out, I made a smart decision and took some time to evaluate why I seemed to choose (i.e. chase, fall for, flirt with, etc.) the kind of guy that’s “just not that into me” and while I can’t promiste that I have the romance department completely figured out, I can say that I’m no longer trying to live up to someone else’s standards and I’ve finally set my own.
Considering I spent a few years with guys who were “just not that into me”, its a great feeling and accomplishment to have confidence in myself. As a result, I’ve made smarter choices in relationships and have dated some wonderful men. There very well might be another guy down the road who is “just not that into me”, but that’s alright… as we all learn, the ones who aren’t into you will eventually lead you to the one who is, if that is what you ultimately choose.
So, this post is for those Belles who are ,like me, out there on the dating scene again. Since this is one area where I have a few years of experience, I initially composed the following for my sister after she started dating again after her divorce. Below that is a hilarious “masterpiece” my great friend wrote to steer me clear of as many, umm… D-bags (as my friend Nickole refers to them) as possible:
Belles -
* Don’t put your drink down at a bar, guys are more desperate than you’d think. * Most guys just want to sleep with you. * Be confident, but humble and kind. * Be friendly but genuine. * No city is big enough to avoid running into a one night stand. * Mr. Right isn’t going to come to rescue you or sweep you off your feet; these days you have to be proactive and smart about it. Nothing just “happens” to you. * If they can’t cook, clean, and pay their mortgage then they had better be able to afford to have someone do it for them (that isn’t you.) * If they live with their parents, you’re “just not that into HIM” no exceptions! *Shots at bars + strange men = big mistake, & not one worth making. * Shots with men period = mistake; (save stupid decisions for nights out with your girlfriends). * If your text message includes a picture of your tits, expect to see it on someone else’s phone at some point down the road. *Girlfriends don’t let girlfriends go home with ugly, weird, cheap, old, married, dirty, disrespectful, or aggressive guys. * If 1 in 5 people get herpes, be the 4 out of 5 that put a hat on it. * As a matter of fact, always carry a condom in your purse; don’t expect a guy to be responsible. * Please note: You have to ask your OBGYN to test you for sexually transmitted diseases EVERY YEAR, they don’t do it automatically. * Get a vibrator; you’re a big girl. * If you like girlie drinks but are at a Pub and forced to order a beer, try a Hacker Pschorr (pronounced: Hacker Shore) or Blue Moon. * My favorite beer is Stella, you should try it at least once. * Pick a charity or topic of interest to learn more about… in the beginning dating has little to do with work and family so you want to have plenty of things to talk about; passions show depth. * Quit going to the same places (or my New Year’s Resolution for 2008); make an effort to try one new place a month. * Happy Hours at bars in downtown business buildings (or next to them, down the street, etc.) are great places to meet nice, employed, and MOSTLY single men. * Note: No ring does not = no wife * If you do give out your number, ONLY see him again if he asks you on a PROPER FIRST DATE… that means he picks you up, there is a dinner or planned activity, and he brings you home. I’ve tried it and it’s actually fun, let me know what you think! * If you question someone’s integrity, there is usually a reason why * Make a list of all the qualities you want in someone, just don’t forget to list the basics. * Know your worth and don’t let anyone tell you different. * It’s okay to NOT be interested in somone romantically just because he’s a good looking, successful, wealthy, educated, and seemingly perfect guy… just because he’s someone else’s definition of “Right” doesn’t mean he has to be yours. * You are great, anyone you date should think so too. No exceptions * Life has many happy endings and some of the best don’t include or require a man. * Spend time before you leave the house trying to look your best, after you leave just have fun. * Most of all, when it comes to men and dating… BE PARTICULAR! If you pick the wrong one, you just end up back at the drawing board so you might as well save yourself some time upfront.
And finally, pulled from the archives (2004)… the infamous “Rules Of Allowed Ass & Crushes” by my friend who is funny, beautiful, smart, and now… happily married to a very lucky man.
On December 21st, 2009 at 12:56 pm Sarah said:
Laura, this is great!
On December 24th, 2009 at 12:03 am Laura said:
Thanks Sarah… if only we could have taken a class on men in high school. Then again, some lessons we just have to learn on our own. I find as long as our friends are there to scoop us up… we always come back stronger and wiser. Take care girlfriend!