Okay I admit, this self proclaimed Independent Belle spends a little time daydreaming of Prince Charming, even if right now my definition of bliss includes a large enough 401(k) to retire early and an evening at Stuart Weitzman rather than “happily ever after“.  Fact is, we’ve probably already met “Mr. Right” only he went by another name.  Maybe you called him “Mr. Bad Timing”, “Mr. Needy”, or my favorite, “Mr. Just-A-Friend”. See, I think in a world where we’re constantly striving for perfection, we look for it in someone else even though we willingly acknowledge our own flaws.  Ultimately we know that perfection is a relative term and more importantly, not possible 100% of the time.  Personally, I’ve only met one man (aka Captain America) who has even gotten remotely close but fate intervened, (in the form of his employer), and transferred him to Europe… and there’s certainly nothing perfect about that.  :-)

As a result of this fixation on perfection, many of us end up doing 1 of 2 things, 1. Come to grips with the reality that a “Mr. Designer” doesn’t exist and therefore settle for that which appears to be designer quality but soon malfunctions and reveals major flaws… i.e. “Mr. Knockoff”, or 2. Avoid the situation altogether and instead indulge ourselves in pretty shoes, gadgets, heavy workloads, little black dresses, FOOD, more food, and Cosmos topped off with bottles of Prosecco to wash it all down and make it all go away.  You name it, chances are we’ve all been there and done it, and I can assure you stick figure sisters are no exception.  The problem is, neither of these options benefit us!

Does it seem easier to continue to give “Mr. Right Now” time we know he’s not worthy of when we could be spending it doing a variety of other things less disruptive to our personal lives?  Or better yet, is it O.K. that the only man showing up at our door on a regular basis is the Pizza Delivery Boy?  I know, it all seems a little extreme when put this way.  The fact is, whether we’re settling for an unfulfilling relationship or stuffing our faces and closets… we’re cheating ourselves because we aren’t living our lives in a way that makes us happy.

Here is what I propose: for my fellow Belles who are about to give their first kiss of the decade to “Mr. Right Now” … go on and get your kiss girlfriends but afterwards make a commitment to yourself that you will not compromise your standards for fear of losing someone you love.  Do not stand for any treatment that you wouldn’t want for your sister, niece, best friend, etc.  And finally, pursue something that makes you genuinely happy and can remain entirely your own so you always keep perspective on your sense of self.

And for my fellow Belles who will be ringing in the New Year being fabulous and single… don’t forget to mingle.  Make a commitment to yourself to put yourself out there, even if it means feeling a little vulnerable at first.  If you’re tired of the same 2 bars in your 3 road town, get online!  Personally, I feel like the South is filled with tons of beautiful and intelligent women who have a handful of eligible bachelors to pick from.  This results in that handful of guys losing their grip on reality and thinking it’s acceptable to treat women like daily soup specials.  This, Belles, automatically makes that handful of guys a perfect example of “Mr. Knock Off”.  They look good, but they don’t know how to act!  Don’t limit yourself to a 10 mile radius if 6 of it is farm land… the only way you’ll meet someone new is if his car breaks down on the side of the road. Instead, make it a team effort, confide in a friend and start your search together so you’ll have something new to dish about, hence a reason to get out of the house and meet for a drink once a week!

The bottom line is, we have to stop daydreaming and start living.  If there is an area of life that you’ve neglected while focusing on other goals, it’s time to play catch up.  Personally, I’ve spent a huge amount of energy and time focused on my professional life the past few years.  I even wonder at times if my success is a disadvantage for me in the dating scene.  Is my selection limited to men who can’t stand on their own two feet, begging me to take them on like a new project OR men who are equally successful, but emotionally unavailable.  Highly unlikely, but who knows the answers to any of our questions if we don’t get out there and find them ourselves?!

Come on Belles, say farewell to the Pizza Boy and trash that old wannabe, “Mr. Knock Off”.  Let’s make ourselves available to the lucky guy that is waiting for our fabulous ass to walk into his life!

Once upon a time, oh say 6 years ago, I ventured out in Chicago’s dating scene for the first time after my split from the Trader.  After my engagement didn’t work out, I made a smart decision and took some time to evaluate why I seemed to choose (i.e. chase, fall for, flirt with, etc.) the kind of guy that’s “just not that into me” and while I can’t promiste that I have the romance department completely figured out, I can say that I’m no longer trying to live up to someone else’s standards and I’ve finally set my own.

Considering I spent a few years with guys who were “just not that into me”, its a great feeling and accomplishment to have confidence in myself.  As a result, I’ve made smarter choices in relationships and have dated some wonderful men.  There very well might be another guy down the road who is “just not that into me”, but that’s alright… as we all learn, the ones who aren’t into you will eventually lead you to the one who is, if that is what you ultimately choose.

So, this post is for those Belles who are ,like me, out there on the dating scene again.  Since this is one area where I have a few years of experience, I initially composed the following for my sister after she started dating again after her divorce.  Below that is a hilarious “masterpiece” my great friend wrote to steer me clear of as many, umm… D-bags (as my friend Nickole refers to them) as possible:

Belles -

* Don’t put your drink down at a bar, guys are more desperate than you’d think.  * Most guys just want to sleep with you.  * Be confident, but humble and kind.  * Be friendly but genuine.   * No city is big enough to avoid running into a one night stand.  * Mr. Right isn’t going to come to rescue you or sweep you off your feet; these days you have to be proactive and smart about it.  Nothing just “happens” to you.  * If they can’t cook, clean, and pay their mortgage then they had better be able to afford to have someone do it for them (that isn’t you.)    * If they live with their parents, you’re “just not that into HIM” no exceptions!  *Shots at bars + strange men = big mistake, & not one worth making.  * Shots with men period = mistake; (save stupid decisions for nights out with your girlfriends).  * If your text message includes a picture of your tits, expect to see it on someone else’s phone at some point down the road.  *Girlfriends don’t let girlfriends go home with ugly, weird, cheap, old, married, dirty, disrespectful, or aggressive guys.  * If 1 in 5 people get herpes, be the 4 out of 5 that put a hat on it.  * As a matter of fact, always carry a condom in your purse; don’t expect a guy to be responsible.  * Please note: You have to ask your OBGYN to test you for sexually transmitted diseases EVERY YEAR, they don’t do it automatically.   * Get a vibrator; you’re a big girl.  * If you like girlie drinks but are at a Pub and forced to order a beer, try a Hacker Pschorr (pronounced: Hacker Shore) or Blue Moon.  * My favorite beer is Stella, you should try it at least once.  * Pick a charity or topic of interest to learn more about… in the beginning dating has little to do with work and family so you want to have plenty of things to talk about; passions show depth.  * Quit going to the same places (or my New Year’s Resolution for 2008); make an effort to try one new place a month.  * Happy Hours at bars in downtown business buildings (or next to them, down the street, etc.) are great places to meet nice, employed, and MOSTLY single men.  * Note: No ring does not = no wife  * If you do give out your number, ONLY see him again if he asks you on a PROPER FIRST DATE… that means he picks you up, there is a dinner or planned activity, and he brings you home.  I’ve tried it and it’s actually fun, let me know what you think!  * If you question someone’s integrity, there is usually a reason why  * Make a list of all the qualities you want in someone, just don’t forget to list the basics.  * Know your worth and don’t let anyone tell you different.  * It’s okay to NOT be interested in somone romantically just because he’s a good looking, successful, wealthy, educated, and seemingly perfect guy… just because he’s someone else’s definition of “Right” doesn’t mean he has to be yours.  * You are great, anyone you date should think so too. No exceptions  * Life has many happy endings and some of the best don’t include or require a man.  * Spend time before you leave the house trying to look your best, after you leave just have fun.  * Most of all, when it comes to men and dating… BE PARTICULAR!  If you pick the wrong one, you just end up back at the drawing board so you might as well save yourself some time upfront.

And finally, pulled from the archives (2004)… the infamous “Rules Of Allowed Ass & Crushes” by my friend who is funny, beautiful, smart, and now… happily married to a very lucky man.