We all have friends who struggle with the decision of when to have children, if it’s not one we struggle with ourselves. Hell, I struggle with whether my career allows time for me to start a new relationship, so I can only imagine deciding on a baby. But for whatever reason, somewhere along the line it became as much a professional decision as a personal one. More often than not, it’s something women start feeling the pressure to think about long before men do. And I think I have an inkling why… (but all Independent Belles know it’s not because we’re in a rush to get married and pregnant. For starters, you can’t toast Stuart Weitzman’s new collection of stilettos if you’re “with child”, not with champagne anyway and that’s half the fun.)
Despite an increased emphasis on equality of women in the workplace, there are wage earning facts difficult to swallow that women face regarding the challenges that exist from the time they enter the workforce out of college or graduate school to when they reenter after becoming a mother (as more than 80% of women in the US choose to do). And contrary to what some say, the gap starts long before the baby bump even comes into the picture…
I was surprised to find that while salaries don’t vary greatly between the sexes when they accept their first position in the workplace, (something I’ve always been told otherwise), by the time they reach the ages of 25 to 29 women are making 90 percent of what their male counterparts earn. The gap really grows when they become mothers, and according to the latest census release, “the majority of women with a recent birth (57 percent) were in the work force.” By the age of 44, women are making $0.71 for every $1.00 men make. It’s a modern day dilemma that the prime years for having children are also the prime years for establishing a career…but does it have to be?
First, let’s start by putting ourselves in the employer’s shoes. Wait, there are plenty of female business owners… so keep your heels on belles! But seriously, hiring a female of childbearing age does pose a risk to an employer, because it could potentially be a burden if they were to lose her talent at some point down the road (seeing as we bring so much value to an organization). Exactly how many times does a company invest in training and developing, and then losing, valuable female executives before a certain apprehension develops about hiring them for certain positions in the first place? While this risk might not ever be discussed, it’s there, and the statistics are telling. Forty-three percent of women with children quit working sometime during their career even though 97 percent of these women had planned to return to salaried work. Now, by no means am I saying this is reason to pay women less but it does explain the results of one study that found women who quit the work force for 1.2 years lost nearly one-third of their earning power in that time.
So what can we do to promote and protect the hard work we have put into our careers if we decide we’d like to have a family? Fortunately, there are more options today than ever before but it’s important that you know your value to the organization, be able to communicate your strengths and contributions to the company’s success clearly, and ASK what options would be possible for you. Be prepared and have your own ideas, such as a flexible work schedules and telecommuting. Womenomics by Claire Shipman and Katty Kay is a fantastic book full of ideas and information to motivate today’s working mothers and women hoping to achieve more balance in life. Knowing what it would cost for the company to hire and train someone new, take that knowledge and leverage it to your benefit so you can reach an arrangement that is realistic and beneficial for both parties. And most importantly, DON’T assume that because women happen to be the gender responsible for bearing children that it should be reflected in a paycheck afterwards! As far as I’m concerned, in addition to having the same intelligence they had “pre-baby”, new mothers have gained life experience that can translate into value many ways for an organization so they should be more confident in asking for what they’re worth. A great book that helps with handling important conversations in a successful and professional manner is Crucial Conversations. This book was extremely helpful because I’ve been known to be “emotionally expressive” when something is important or when I believe it’s “the right thing to do”. I’m now better able to approach “crucial conversations” with confidence that I can have open dialog about pressing issues without getting emotional. At least until I get home to Henry and he never seems to mind…
Finally, in addition to looking out for yourself, look out for your fellow belles in the workplace. Don’t be shy to speak up when she gets a win for the team and let her know that you appreciate the hard work. We have to start sticking up for each other and promoting our efforts, and we have to start supporting our decisions both to have and NOT to have children because each is still ultimately a personal decision that we all struggle with at some point in our lives.
