Out With The Old, In With The New
I don’t usually make New Years Resolutions. I’d rather NOT state what I want to do and then just do it. However, I’m starting to think there might be something to the accountability aspect of making a resolution that is important.
So here goes:
In 2012, I resolve to not date Mr. Right Now.
There, I’ve said it. This might sound like an obvious goal for a single gal but I can assure you it has not always been my policy when dating. Most of the time I manage to meet someone who has some of the qualities I’m looking for and then I fill in the blanks with my own creative imagination. This has obviously not proven a successful strategy. The thing is, just when I think I’ve identified him, he’s sneaks up, disguised as someone else. He’s a sneaky fucker, that Mr. Right Now. His red flags appear more like maroon, cranberry, or cabernet. But I’m done kidding myself.
This year I am going to pay attention to red flags when they boldly wave themselves in front of my face. I will hone in on my compatability profiling skills and when someone is not a good fit, I will walk away. I’m also making the commitment to rid myself of all those relationship “loose ends” that I keep for rainy days and ego boosts. After all, you cannot have space for something new and wonderful in your life if you are still clouding it up with “so-so” material. Therefore, I have come up with 10 beaus a belle will not be dating this year. For all the single belles looking for a healthy relationship, I suggest you eliminate these from your pink book as well.
- Mr. Potential: This is the guy who is still in the process of “figuring out what he wants to do with his life”, but it won’t happen while you’re dating him. A relationship will only serve as another distraction. In past years, I’ve defended dating this guy because I told myself that not everyone has had the opportunities that I’ve had in Chicago. The truth is, income and ambition have nothing to do with each other, whereas passion and success do. I will no longer allow “he’s really cute/has nice ass/rubs my shoulders” to compensate for unemployment.
- Mr. Prick: I will no longer date the guy who is really great, except for when he’s an asshole. I deserve someone who thinks I’m fantastic, because I am. The things that make me different, including my eclectic taste in shoes, should not be used as insults against me. I have a big group of intelligent, successful, and caring friends who think I’m amazing, flaws and all, and it’s time that I start dating someone who does too.
- Mr. Data Dater: Maybe this is picky, but I’m sorry, my hands are tired. Part of working from home means that I have to rely on alternative forms of communication all day long. Trust me, it’s easier for me to deny your date request via text too, but for fear of one day only being able to express my feelings with emoticons, I beg you: Pick up the phone. If I bite, the receiver is still there to protect you.
- Mr. Repeat: You’re tempting, and it’s flattering to hear from you again… and again. But if it didn’t work out the first time, there’s a good chance we’ll still be dissapointed the second time around (as well as the third, fourth,…). I’ll leave a small window open for those who have experienced major life changes or more than 5 years has passed. However, nine times out of ten we’d be better off if we just keep on keeping on, which is exactly what I plan to do.
- Mr. Enigma: You know who you are, you sexy MF. You are so hard to figure out, so I give up. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, not in the beginning anyway. If you can’t clearly communicate what is going on inside that gorgeous head of yours now, then you definitely won’t be able to with the added stress of a crying baby/barking dog/nagging relative/overdue bill/home repair, etc. I refuse to be the only adult in an adult relationship.
- Mr. Needy: I’m a busy gal, and at times my job can be demanding. If you’re going to complain every time I can’t IM about the YouTube video you emailed me, lets go separate ways and find someone who can adequately meet our needs. I have a lot to offer someone. I’ll go out of my way to think of ways to make my man feel special, just typically not between the hours of 9-5.
- Mr. Lonely: I’m deleting this guy’s number from my phone/computer/address book. No one wants to be a backup plan, including myself, so I shouldn’t string you along “in case” things don’t work out with the 100 guys whose number I dial before yours.
- Mr. Fishy: Somethings not right and I just can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it’s that you don’t answer my call but send me a text 5 minutes later? Maybe you tell me the same story twice… every week. Maybe the last 20 people who commented on your Facebook page are women (with profile pictures that suggest they are auditioning for music videos)? Maybe you don’t answer calls when we’re together? For whatever reason, I suspect I’m not the only girl in your life, and 99.9% of the time I’m right.
- Mr. Just-A-Friend: This guy prefers to “take things slow” when it comes to everything but the bedroom. He’s constantly morphing from cat to mouse and you never know which one you’re gonna see. He’s the guy who makes you feel like you’re rushing things… after 6 months. This guy is great if you’re looking to waste time, but as I mentioned, I’m not. I’m going to leave Casual Steve to date other women while I find someone who can meet my needs.
- Mr. Magic: Here one minute and gone the next, otherwise defined by night and day. You’re never sure if he’s reliable to follow through with plans…unless they’re scheduled after 10 pm. Or he waits until last minute to make plans, all of which are also after 10pm. You wait up for him and sacrifice needed sleep to see him, and you can’t remember the last time he saw you wearing something other than yoga pants and Ugg slippers. I’m looking for someone who is excited to be with me, day AND night. Booty calls are so last decade.
